Navigating Relationships: with Adult children

Parenting Adult Children

"Parenting adult children: it’s one of the most difficult—and yet least discussed—life transitions facing today’s boomers."  "Whether you believe adulthood begins at age 18, or that it’s less about a number and more about maturity, the reality is that today’s young adults live in a very different world."  

(Quoted from: Adult Children: The Guide to Parenting Your Grown Kids.)

Navigating Relationships with Adult Children

1. "Recognize and respect your differences. There’s no time like the present to accept—and celebrate—the uniqueness of your child. You may not always agree with their life choices, but as their independence grows, find joy in connecting without conflict." 

2. "Share your wisdom and insight (without being critical). Do so with grace and sensitivity. There may be times when you’re the first person they call in a crisis, and other times they’ll want to figure it out with a friend first."

3. "Set Boundaries.  Set boundaries (...and sticking to it), with adult children may feel uncomfortable, but we all respect others who set boundaries.   

4. "Do things you love together. This is a time to discover new things you both love." 

5. "Make room for significant others in their lives. These relationships are an important stage in their launch toward independence. Be open-minded and gracious as you meet this person and find ways to get to know them without being critical." 

6. "Be a consultant, not a CEO. This phase of parenthood is not about running the company and being in charge of their life as you were when they were a dependent but, instead, parenting adult children may mean offering expert advice and guidance that adult children can implement."

7. "Be a sounding board. Create an atmosphere in which your children always feel like they can talk to you.  Adult children will not always be asking for advice, but rather, just asking for a sounding board.” 

8. "Make family meetings a regular occurrence. If you’ve fostered open communication throughout your child’s life, regular family meetings will feel much more natural.  Regular family meetings allow a safe space for siblings and parents to share issues of concern, and to process hard things together."

9. Cut the apron strings, including financial.  Retirement is not the time of life for financially supporting adult children. "Avoid enabling adult children, particularly when your adult child is demanding and needy."

10.  Look for opportunities to learn from your children.  Learning together builds relationships, can be fun and rewarding. 

11. Look for opportunities to acknowledge and complement your adult children' wise decisions and choices. 

(#1-8 quoted from: Adult Children: The Guide to Parenting Your Grown Kids.  #9-11 my own)

Call to Action: You Have a Role to Play in Their Lives

As a parent, you may find yourself struggling to adjust to the fact that your children have grown up and are now living their own lives. 

It's important to remember that you still have a role to play in their lives, even if it's a different one than when they were younger. You can still provide support, advice, and love while also respecting their autonomy. 

You can also set healthy boundaries and expectations to ensure that your relationship remains positive. 

Make sure to keep the lines of communication open and be honest with your children about your feelings and expectations. Show compassion and understanding and be open to listening to their point of view. 

Relationship With Your Adult Children is "Ever-Evolving"

Above all, remember that the relationship between you and your adult children is "ever evolving" and will take time and effort from both sides to maintain.

                                   Photo: D. McCallister.  "Reflections". Kennecott Road, Alaska

RESOURCES THAT MIGHT BE HELPFUL..

- Adult Children: The Guide to Parenting Your Grown Kids.  Michelle Seitzer. Adult Children | The Guide to Parenting Adult Children (thehartford.com)  

(Note: an exceptional article!)

- 5 Ways Parents and Adult Children Can Improve Their Relationship.  Psychology Today. 5 Ways Parents and Adult Children Can Improve Their Relationship | Psychology Today

- Conflict Resolution Skills. Whatever the cause of disagreements and disputes at home or work, these skills can help you resolve conflict in a constructive way and keep your relationships strong and growing.  Helpguide.org.  Conflict Resolution Skills - HelpGuide.org

- 18 Phrases To Use With Your Adult Kids That Will Transform Your Relationship...How to strengthen and repair bonds.  Beth Ann Mayer.  Parade. 18 Phrases To Use With Your Adult Children, Psychologists Say - Parade  

(Excellent article that includes: "Expressing love"; "Helping an adult child who is struggling"; "When an adult child critiques your parenting"; "What not to say to an adult child".) 

SO...What'd we miss??

Your experience with "navigating relationships with adult children"?